The Beginning Of A Journey

So, I've been reading these journals of mine that I started writing when I was probably 14 or 15 years old. Some people may not realize it now, but I love to write, and I used to journal a lot. I would write out my thoughts, prayers to God, even poems. I actually just started up another journal not too long ago for the first time in years. I'm not sure why, but I stopped writing a while back, and now that I've started up again I've realized how much God used to speak to my as I wrote.

It all started for me when I was a teenager. A leader in our church invited me and some other kids to join a group that he was starting. It was just 4 of us that ended up joining. Our church had a prayer room with various worship teams playing music and worshiping God throughout the week, and he invited us to come to one of the worship times and journal. That was it. We sat as the worship team did their thing and wrote in our journals. We would write specifically about a Bible verse. Just one verse. It went like this: Psalm 16:11, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." The whole point of our assignment was to learn more about God and His word in the Bible. You see, there is infinite depth to the Word of God, and He reveals His heart, personality, and ways to us when we spend time reading it and asking Him questions about it. So that's what we did. We would read the verse, write the verse out, paraphrase the verse, pray the verse back to God, and even sing the verse (The worship team was already playing. I mean hey, why not?).

You may be thinking one of two things as you read this. Maybe it's, "Wow, that sounds pretty cool!" Or, you could be thinking something similar to what I was thinking when he first told us what we would be doing, and that was, "Wait... what?"

I was willing to give it a shot though. I was hungry to know more about God, and I trusted the guy leading us. So, that first night I did it... for two hours (Oh did I forget to mention that's how long the worship set was?). I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIE FROM BOREDOM!!! Now, after two hours of banging my head against the same verse of the same 22 words and the same 93 letters, you would think (as I did) that I would know just about all that I could about it without doing an in depth study using lexicons, commentaries, and other sorts of educated shenanigans. I was wrong.
We came back the next week, and we did the same exact thing! For two more hours I stared at the same words, wrote out five different ways of saying the same thing, and asked God the same questions. We did this week after week!

And then... it happened. God started to speak.

In movies and other media, the act of God speaking to a person is stereotypically portrayed as a voice thundering from heaven as lightning strikes nearby sinners that were unlucky enough to be walking by (okay slight exaggeration there, but you get where I'm coming from). However, this isn't what happened to me as I sat in a room staring at those words. God's Holy Spirit spoke to me from within, and I began to write more than I ever thought possible about one verse! I experienced for the first time the reality that God speaks to us today all of the time, but we rarely dedicate time to listen! Let me tell you, after such monotony of focusing on that verse for so long, I was definitely listening!

I tell you all of this because that experience was the start of a journey. As I've read through my other journals I've been reminded of God's goodness in my life. I read through all of the struggles that I've gone through. Time after time of being anxious of my future, worried about money, seeking God's guidance in relationships, and praising God for His faithfulness. It's incredible to me, 10 years after the experience I just described, that each of the same struggles kept popping up, and each time God's hand was with me through it all. Each time that I chose to put my trust in Him and His leadership it was worth it. Every time I turned to Him full of doubt, shame, fear, worry, or sorrow He has proven Himself to be truly good. There is no one more trustworthy for you to give your life to. He will never leave you. He will never fail you. He will never stop loving you with the same passion that He showed as He gave His body to be broken for you and carried your pain, mistakes, hurts, and sorrows. The test of time in my life has only made me more confident that even though I don't always understand His ways or see Him working in my life, He is worth my all. I continually give him my future, my hopes, my fears, my passion, my possessions, my thoughts and words and actions. He has not failed me yet, and He never will.

I've failed Him times without number, but He has always stood there with open arms calling me to run back to Him. Wherever you are on your journey, (a teenager trying to get through school, a college student on the brink of starting the rest of your life, a young adult trying to figure this life thing out, in your middle years just struggling to get by, or in the crown of your later years) I hope that my story can be of encouragement to you. I know that I'm still just a young buck with so much yet to experience and learn, but I've known the goodness of God, and I know that He is worth every breath that I have left to give. You are the apple of His eye. Never forget how greatly He loves you. And if you aren't sure of His love, just ask Him. Ask Him to speak to you. He will.

"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth."  - Psalm 145:18

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Now, go talk to God!