The Beginning Of A Journey

So, I've been reading these journals of mine that I started writing when I was probably 14 or 15 years old. Some people may not realize it now, but I love to write, and I used to journal a lot. I would write out my thoughts, prayers to God, even poems. I actually just started up another journal not too long ago for the first time in years. I'm not sure why, but I stopped writing a while back, and now that I've started up again I've realized how much God used to speak to my as I wrote.

It all started for me when I was a teenager. A leader in our church invited me and some other kids to join a group that he was starting. It was just 4 of us that ended up joining. Our church had a prayer room with various worship teams playing music and worshiping God throughout the week, and he invited us to come to one of the worship times and journal. That was it. We sat as the worship team did their thing and wrote in our journals. We would write specifically about a Bible verse. Just one verse. It went like this: Psalm 16:11, "You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore." The whole point of our assignment was to learn more about God and His word in the Bible. You see, there is infinite depth to the Word of God, and He reveals His heart, personality, and ways to us when we spend time reading it and asking Him questions about it. So that's what we did. We would read the verse, write the verse out, paraphrase the verse, pray the verse back to God, and even sing the verse (The worship team was already playing. I mean hey, why not?).

You may be thinking one of two things as you read this. Maybe it's, "Wow, that sounds pretty cool!" Or, you could be thinking something similar to what I was thinking when he first told us what we would be doing, and that was, "Wait... what?"

I was willing to give it a shot though. I was hungry to know more about God, and I trusted the guy leading us. So, that first night I did it... for two hours (Oh did I forget to mention that's how long the worship set was?). I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DIE FROM BOREDOM!!! Now, after two hours of banging my head against the same verse of the same 22 words and the same 93 letters, you would think (as I did) that I would know just about all that I could about it without doing an in depth study using lexicons, commentaries, and other sorts of educated shenanigans. I was wrong.
We came back the next week, and we did the same exact thing! For two more hours I stared at the same words, wrote out five different ways of saying the same thing, and asked God the same questions. We did this week after week!

And then... it happened. God started to speak.

In movies and other media, the act of God speaking to a person is stereotypically portrayed as a voice thundering from heaven as lightning strikes nearby sinners that were unlucky enough to be walking by (okay slight exaggeration there, but you get where I'm coming from). However, this isn't what happened to me as I sat in a room staring at those words. God's Holy Spirit spoke to me from within, and I began to write more than I ever thought possible about one verse! I experienced for the first time the reality that God speaks to us today all of the time, but we rarely dedicate time to listen! Let me tell you, after such monotony of focusing on that verse for so long, I was definitely listening!

I tell you all of this because that experience was the start of a journey. As I've read through my other journals I've been reminded of God's goodness in my life. I read through all of the struggles that I've gone through. Time after time of being anxious of my future, worried about money, seeking God's guidance in relationships, and praising God for His faithfulness. It's incredible to me, 10 years after the experience I just described, that each of the same struggles kept popping up, and each time God's hand was with me through it all. Each time that I chose to put my trust in Him and His leadership it was worth it. Every time I turned to Him full of doubt, shame, fear, worry, or sorrow He has proven Himself to be truly good. There is no one more trustworthy for you to give your life to. He will never leave you. He will never fail you. He will never stop loving you with the same passion that He showed as He gave His body to be broken for you and carried your pain, mistakes, hurts, and sorrows. The test of time in my life has only made me more confident that even though I don't always understand His ways or see Him working in my life, He is worth my all. I continually give him my future, my hopes, my fears, my passion, my possessions, my thoughts and words and actions. He has not failed me yet, and He never will.

I've failed Him times without number, but He has always stood there with open arms calling me to run back to Him. Wherever you are on your journey, (a teenager trying to get through school, a college student on the brink of starting the rest of your life, a young adult trying to figure this life thing out, in your middle years just struggling to get by, or in the crown of your later years) I hope that my story can be of encouragement to you. I know that I'm still just a young buck with so much yet to experience and learn, but I've known the goodness of God, and I know that He is worth every breath that I have left to give. You are the apple of His eye. Never forget how greatly He loves you. And if you aren't sure of His love, just ask Him. Ask Him to speak to you. He will.

"The LORD is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth."  - Psalm 145:18

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. Now, go talk to God!

 

Eyes Like A Flame Of Fire

I've often contemplated what John the Beloved meant when He described Jesus as having "eyes like a flame of fire." Were His eyes like human eyes with fiery irises? Was there just burning fire coming out of the holes where His eyes should be? Did seeing His eyes captivate you the way staring at fire does? Were His eyes just really bright? WHAT IN THE WORLD DID HE MEAN?!! Then, I started thinking more about the person and less about the eyes. Think about what it would be like to look into the eyes of One WITHOUT AGE. The eyes of Someone who is INFINITE. Someone who knows ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING about you. Eyes burning with the fullness of DESIRE for your heart. Eyes set ablaze with ZEALOUS, JEALOUS LOVE for you. Eyes that you CANNOT ESCAPE from. Eyes that you DON'T WANT TO ESCAPE from. Eyes that are so ALIEN, UNNERVING, AND TERRIFYING that you're trembling all over with fear, but at the same time are so FAMILIAR, COMFORTING, AND BEAUTIFUL that you don't want to look away. Eyes that hold the very essence of LOVE, MERCY, AND TENDERNESS, but also the absolute potency of WRATH, JUSTICE, AND ZEAL. The eyes that see into the deepest darkest abyss of your wickedness, sin, and filth, yet they are the same eyes that looked upon you in the epitome of desire and asked the Father for you to be with Him forever. These are the eyes which radiate with the love that is stronger than the grave. These are the eyes kindled with the yearning that caused a perfect, holy God to take on human flesh, live a human life, be bound by puny Roman chains, scorned, spit upon, slapped, punched, beat, scourged, mocked, humiliated, blasphemed, nailed to a tree, and to give up His very life for the weak, broken, inconsistent, unfaithful, inglorious, unworthy, inferior, selfish, pitiful love that we would give Him in return. These are the eyes of perfect wisdom. These are the eyes of endless beauty. These are the eyes that we are all meant to spend our lives gazing upon and loving. One glimpse of these eyes is worth highest price, the greatest sacrifice, the fullest surrender. One glimpse of the eyes of this Man is all that I am living for.

Update

So, I've been doing a poor job of spending time on my blog and I think that it's mostly because up until now I've only been putting teaching-like posts on it. However, I'm going to try to be more diligent about updating it much more frequently hereafter and not focusing my posts entirely on teaching, so that you, my faithful few followers, can know what's going on. I'm fairing extremely well here in Kansas City as an FSM student and Intercessionary Missionary. I'm currently also delivering pizza for Papa John's Pizza, and as a result I am almost more busy than I know how to handle. I'm growing so much with God at the same time though, and overall I'm just really excited about the season that I'm in. More updates to come soon! Bless you!

The Patriarch

I've been studying Abraham lately. In the past, I never really paid any special attention to this man who is so important in the story of God. I mean I knew all the different stories about him from Sunday School and stuff growing up so when I got to the parts about him in the bible I would just read them as that: stories. This time around though I stopped and started really thinking about what I was reading, and I noticed a lot of things that I feel like aren't really emphasized enough. Abraham lived the first 75 years of his life outside of the land that would later become Israel. In fact, the first time that it's recorded that God ever spoke to him wasn't until that time. Now, I know that people lived much much longer back then, but I think that the fact that the father of the Hebrew people did not begin his life in God until he was already 75 years old is a very significant thing. I mean that's crazy to my way of thinking! God comes to this guy out of the blue and tells him when he's already 75 to leave the land of his father because he's going to create a great nation from his children! Abraham listened to Him too! He just got up and left. He lived an amazing life after that too. God just kept blessing him and blessing him. I mean he inherited an entire country from God! He was blessed with tons of goods and livestock. He was so wealthy that the people in the land that surrounded where he lived called him a prince. This guy was patient too! He was 75 when God promised him children, and his wife Sarah didn't have the child that God promised him until 25 years later! Twenty-five years of waiting, trusting God, and doing everything that He asked without exception. I know that Abraham lived to be 175, but that does not change the fact that 25 years is FOREVER!!! I mean if I had to wait 25 more years to have children I don't know how I would make it! Abraham was actually called Abram for most of his life. Abraham was the name that God gave him. Abram meant "exalted father" while Abraham meant "father of a multitude". Either way, this man was called to be a father his whole life, and he waited most of his life for it! I think that's amazing! So, here we have this guy who had this amazing relationship with God, was blessed beyond measure, but still he waited 25 years to have Isaac, the child of promise. And after the big wait for this kid; after he waited his whole life to be a father; after he received promise after promise from God that he was going to be the father of nations; God tells him to go up to the mountains, and sacrifice his one and only son that he waited so long for and whom he loves more than anything. This wasn't a "spiritual sacrifice". This was real. God was saying "Abraham, I want you to go up to the mountain and stab to death and burn your one and only son whom you love more than anything. The one whom I promised to you in the first place 25 years before he was born." I don't think I could ever understand what Abraham thought at that moment. He actually did as God asked. He really was going to sacrifice Isaac. It wasn't like he didn't love this kid or care about him. He waited 25 years for him. He was already 100 years old when Issac was born. You cannot even say that it was all God's idea for him to have children and that he never really wanted it. God said"Take now your son, your only son Issac, whom you love..." in Genesis 22:2. That verse is the first time in the entire bible that the word "love" is even used. Abraham loved this child more than you or I have ever loved anything in our lives, and his faith in God was so strong that he was still willing to give him as a sacrifice. As a sign of his love for God, he was willing to give the one thing that he loved most on this earth. We know that he didn't end up having to go through with it and that God provided another sacrifice, but I still cannot even begin to fathom how amazing this story is. I cannot wait to meet him when I get to the New Jerusalem. This man truly was great. God chose him to be the father of His chosen nation. I believe that God also chose him to have the greatest revelation of His heart that anyone has ever had because when Abraham was willing to give up Isaac in love for God he became a picture of God sacrificing His own Son in love for us.   

The First Issue Of My Newsletter

I just completed the first issue of my newsletter  — check it out and let me know what you think!



December2010 Newsletter

Who are we giving our inheritance to?

So I was listening to Mike Bickle today, and he was talking about why Jesus had to be a human in order to take over the earth. When God gave Adam authority over the earth, the earth became his to do with whatever he pleased. When Adam sinned, after Satan tricked him, he gave ownership of the earth to Satan. The devil received authority over everything that was supposed to be our inheritance. Because the earth was meant for human rule, Jesus had to become fully human in order to win it all back. We all know that He did that on the cross and when He comes back He will claim that which He won, but while Mike spoke on this I had an idea. Adam was created to govern the earth. The rule of the earth was his inheritance, and by sinning he gave it up.  So, what are we doing when we sin? The Lord has an inheritance for us all that can never be taken away, but there are some things (or many things) that will either be given to us or withheld from us in the age to come depending on how we choose to live in this age. When we sin, are we giving our inheritance to the devil in a sense? Our sin only increases his hold in our lives. It holds us back from walking in the fullness of what God has called us to. So, even though he won't ever receive the rewards that we will in the future, it seems to me that when we sin and when we choose not to walk worthy of our highest calling that we're just giving all of those rewards to Satan just as Adam did. I know that we all will most likely be struggling with sin for most of the rest of out lives, and that we can only overcome sin through leaning on God, but I feel like this should give us a greater resolve in our fight. I'm not sure about you, but I DO NOT want to be giving the ultimate gifts and rewards that were designed specifically for me by my Heavenly Father to the prince of this age. Those were made for me, and I intend to fall down and get right back up and run into Jesus' arms as many times as it takes to overcome my struggles and live a life counted worthy of what He has for me. I know that this a journey and none of it will happen overnight, but I'm going to try my very hardest to get to where I need to as fast as the Lord will allow me to. I want to become closer to Him and His heart than anyone else has before, and I won't be satisfied trying for anything less. This whole post may seem a little jumpy or like its lacking a definite point that I'm trying to make. I'm pretty tired while typing this. I had this burning inside of me though, and I had to get it out. Take from it what you will. These are just my thoughts.

Psalm 134: Blessing the Lord

The last time I was at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri, I attended the NightWatch (the period between the hours of 12 a.m. - 6 a.m. in which a faithful group of intercessors stand in the house of the Lord praying for the nations of the earth). The vision statement of IHOP-KC's NightWatch is Psalm 134. This 3 verse Psalm speaks about beholding and blessing the Lord in the night. It's what the NightWatch is all about. Its why the Prayer Room is open day and night. I wasn't really sure exactly what that meant though. So, I began to seek out the answer: What does blessing the Lord really mean? I began to brainstorm and ask God for His wisdom on what this Psalm (and a few other scriptures that mention it) was all about. The following is what I wrote: "What does it mean to bless the Lord? He is who He is. Nothing that we say about Him will change who His is, and if we use Isaac blessing Jacob with the blessing of a father as an example then shouldn't blessing someone mean speaking words that bring forth great change for good inside of someone? Our words cannot change who God is though, and nothing can make Him better because He is absolutely perfect and He never changes. So, who do our blessings effect then? The answer: ourselves and the people around us. These words of blessing change the way that we and others around us view Him. When we bless Him we speak words of truth and praise about Him that become established inside our hearts and minds. When we declare the absoluteness of who He is we make it a part of our thoughts. When we do this we're filling ourselves with light. It's all a part of renewing our mind and becoming more like Him. Therefore, blessing Him is of uttermost importance! It pushes back the power and influence of darkness over our minds and the minds of others! When we speak this absolute truth about the Lord of Hosts, it has the power to decimate lies that have strongholds in the minds of all who hear and accept it. Blessing the Lord is a weapon with which we thwart the schemes of the enemy and save souls from darkness. Blessing Him is our purpose as a part of the Creation of God. All of Creation exists entirely for His glory. As belonging to such, we can never truly be who we were created to be unless blessing Him is our first priority, primary focus, and sole desire in this life. We absolutely MUST dedicate every breath to His glory. Anything less is insanity!"